Change…It’s not personal.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

Having a conversation with a long time friend yesterday, we came to the already drawn conclusion, that “Change is not personal.” What exactly do I mean by that? Well, I mean that when things are going on in life and when things don’t seem to be happening the way we would like them to happen, it’s not personal. When people and circumstances around you are beginning to change…it is not personal, things happen. When you feel like there are things in your life that you are growing away from or people that you are not as attached to as you have been in the past…it’s not personal…Things change, people change. Furthermore, you have to be ready to ensure those around you, who are in the line of fire of these changes, again, that it’s not personal.

I was telling a friend of mine the other day, that I don’t want to ever feel obligated to have someone remain in my life. What I mean by that is simply, people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Unfortunately, it’s hard to not take it personal when you feel like someone’s reason or season is up. Moreover, it’s hard for that person to not take it personal. When you have gone through life with people; had hard times, happy moments, milestones, heartbreak, elation, etc, it is sometimes a hard concept to grasp, that things just may be changing…and that’s OK. The sooner we realize that concept, the better off we will be.

Now I am not trying to be harsh, because like for most people, it’s hard for me as well when things are constantly changing; especially if things are changing rapidly. It’s hard to understand that whatever is going on, whatever change is taking place, and whatever relationship is coming to an end… it’s not the end of the world. Of course as you are going through a situation it seems like the worst thing that could possibly be taking place; but we soon realize that times will get harder, friendships will end more abruptly, heartache will come more frequently, tears will flow more rapidly, people will leave more quickly, and so on and so forth, the better off we will be in the long run. But like I said before, it’s hard to grasp that concept at the time you are going through the change. I have written blogs before about everything happening for a particular reason, and though we may not always understand or even agree with the reason things happen, the fact remains, they happen! But my broader point also still remains, it’s not personal!

When you are going through what you feel is a major growth period in your life, and you realize that you and your past are no longer growing in the same direction, sometimes you have to make tough decisions. Sometimes you have to let things go and give things up in order to gain better things. One quote I learned in college, “people change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they are right…and sometimes things must fall apart so that better things can fall together” (Marilyn Monroe believe it or not – Although I edited it a little because I didn’t agree with the entire quote – LOL). Nonetheless, the point is valid. We have to allow the natural order of things to happen as they will. We have to trust that when things happen and the manor in which they happen, they are all happening for our greater good (Romans 8:28). They are all taking place to make us better people. They are all occurring so we can grow. And honestly, we have to remember that change is never one sided. Change is never something that only happens for one party and not the other. By holding on to old relationships, broken friendships, and harsh pasts, it not only hinders our growth, but we very well could be the very thing hindering someone else’s growth. Whatever that person’s growth maybe, you holding on to them while you are growing away from them at the same time is hindering them from doing whatever it is they need or just want to be doing. Carrying the past around is more damaging to your future then it was to your past. It’s more detrimental to your progression then it originally was to your growth. And unfortunately it’s more harmful to your present then it was when it stunted your development to begin with.

Often times, we just have to understand that change isn’t always bad…Not to negate the fact that it’s often times hard…But it’s definitely not always bad. We must except that the only thing constant in life is change and we have to embrace the changes we need to make in order to become the people that want to be; while never forgetting that it’s really not personal! Remember: He never promised it would be easy, He just promised it would be worth it! (John 16:33)